


Waltz for the Moon

by WolfAndHound_Archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Drama, Marauders' Era, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2004-06-25
Packaged: 2018-05-18 14:46:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5932150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfAndHound_Archivist/pseuds/WolfAndHound_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Angsty Remus.  Confused Sirius.  Infatuated Severus.  Why did Sirius tell Snape how to get into the Shrieking Shack, and how does poor, angsty Remus react?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. New Moon

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Lassenia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Wolf and Hound](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Wolf_and_Hound), which was created to make stories posted to the Sirius_Black_and_Remus_Lupin Yahoo! mailing list easier to find. However, even though I still love the fandom, I am no longer active in it and do not have the time to maintain it. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in December 2015. I posted an announcement with Open Doors, but we may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Wolf and Hound collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wolfandhound/profile).

Severus Snape was watching Remus Lupin.

No- Severus Snape was _studying_ Remus Lupin, studying him as if he were a particularly complex potion, or an intricate hex, or- Sirius's line of thought broke down at that point; other than potions and hexes, he had no idea of what the Slytherin fifth-year thought about in his spare time. Nor did he care, except insofar as the potions and hexes- jinxes and curses, too, now that he thought of it- tended to be tested on James and himself. He understood that, as he and James (well, mostly him, but James held up his end when the other Slytherins got involved) used Snape to test out new and interesting derivations of charms, jinxes, and recently, transfigurations. Sirius still prided himself on transfiguring Snape's hat into a coiled serpent. It figured that the slimy git would like snakes, though... he should have realized that. At least his transfiguration was improving. All that extra time spent on the Project, no doubt. Sirius bit down on his quill and forced himself back to his supremely uninteresting Arithmancy reading. It had to be his imagination. 

Less than a minute later, he looked up. Snape was still staring fixedly at Remus, his own books lying forgotten in front of him. Concentration broken, he nudged James, sitting next to him and taking up more than his fair share of the table with his Divination books. "Is it just me, or is Snape staring at Remus?"

James, distracted, glanced over to where Remus sat tutoring Peter, and then over to Snape's corner. "Could be. He might be staring at Peter, though."

"Don't be ridiculous. He's clearly focusing on Remus. I haven't seen him blink once." 

The other boy shrugged. "If you insist. You're the resident expert on Snape-watching."

Sirius snorted, but didn't raise to the bait. Then, as James was settling back to his Divination: "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why is he staring at Remus like that? I don't like it."

"You've never liked anything about Snape- why start now?" James toyed with his glasses for a moment. "Maybe he's plotting something."

That was normal Slytherin behavior, but... "Not against Remus. He usually stays out of our fights."

" _Our_ fights?"

"Yes, Mr. Too-Noble-To-Hex-Someone-(even a Slytherin)-From-Behind Prefect. Our fights."

James grinned and didn't press the point. "Well, maybe he needs tutoring. Everyone knows that Remus is tops in Defense against the Dark Arts."

" _Snape_? Ask a _Gryffindor_ for help? Have you been at Hagrid's secret stash again?"

"Not since the last time you talked me into it. It was hard enough explaining the blue spots and furry ears to Madame Pomfrey once- even your ingenuity would be challenged by a second time." James sighed. "Look, it's probably nothing. Snape's probably daydreaming of, of- I don't know, what he'd do with an unlimited supply of gillyweed, or inventing a potion that selectively turns Gryffindors into flying purple prawns, and Remus just happens to be in his line of sight."

Sirius bit down on his quill again, thinking. "You don't think that he _suspects_ , do you?"

"Suspects? Suspects Remus?"

"Yeah. You know how he's always sneaking around after us-"

"-hoping to get us expelled-"

"-and Peter said that Snape had seen Madame Pomfrey taking him out to the Shack last month. D'you think he's put it together? He knows that Remus is, well, sick pretty often- he used to comment on it all the time." He smirked. "At least until I transfigured his mashed potatoes into bubotuber pus."

It was James's turn to chew on his quill. "I don't think so. Snape's pretty traditional when it comes to magical creatures. He doesn't even trust centaurs, and you remember the stink he made when he found out about Hagrid. Dumbledore had to come down pretty hard on him to shut him up before it made the Daily Prophet. If he even suspected Remus, he wouldn't be staring at him- he'd either be cowering under his bed, or he'd be broadcasting the news to the entire school. If enough people complained to the board of governors, Dumbledore might be forced to expel Remus as a... a hazard. But he's not. He's just sitting there and staring. He's probably asleep with his eyes open or something."

"I suppose," Sirius said, unconvinced.

James returned to his Divination, but Sirius, his own work forgotten, watched Snape watching Remus. Remus wasn't doing anything especially note-worthy, just tutoring Peter, as he often did. No reason for Snape to be interested in Peter's scholastic issues. It could just as easily have been James or himself helping Peter... except that James, despite his other talents, was terrible at explanations and tended to start in the middle and work both forwards and backwards at once, and Sirius, able to grasp new ideas the first time around (when he bothered), simply didn't have the patience to deal with confusion. After all, if you didn't get it the first time, how could going over it a second or third or tenth time make any difference?

Remus was a good teacher; the material came easily to him, and he had a gift for patient (and endlessly varied) explanation. Sirius, diverted, watched Peter point out a passage and shrug, mouth quirking. Remus tilted his head to the side and tapped his lips with his quill before he sketched a quick diagram in the margin of Peter's book. Realization dawned, and Peter grinned, gesturing frantically as he demonstrated his new-found comprehension. Remus nodded, coffee-colored eyes faintly amused as Peter nearly swept his books to the floor with his sleeve. Nothing that Sirius hadn't seen dozens of times before. Maybe hundreds. Nothing new. Just interesting to watch. More interesting than Arithmancy, certainly. 

Brown eyes, he noted, doodling idly on one of his Arithmancy tables. Brown, shadowed eyes and weariness tugging at the corners of his mouth. Must be about new moon, then. Remus hated the new moon almost as much as he dreaded the full moon- he said it was like being swaddled in thick woolen blankets and stuffed in a dark, airless closet. He liked to sleep through as much of it as possible, but it was hard when there was just so much to be done. OWLs were fast approaching, finals were looming, and anyone other than Remus would have been chronically behind from his monthly incapacitations. Bloody workaholic, Sirius thought fondly.

Across the library, Peter collected his books and stood, whispering something to Remus, who just smiled and shrugged noncommittally. James glanced up from his work as Peter approached.

"Any new insights on Transfiguration?" he asked, lowering his voice as a nearby Hufflepuff glared at him.

"Only that it would be a lot simpler if McGonagall hadn't assigned Ulric the Oddball's "Toward a Greater Understanding of the Importance of Preparation and Locale in the Proper Transfiguration; or Why Transfiguring a Common Cornish Pixie into a Niffler within the Confines of Gringotts is a Bad Idea and Should Only Be Attempted by Those Spell-Casters Who Do Not Care for the Current Arrangement of Their Limbs." Peter grimaced, and the other two shuddered.

"That may be the most wretched piece of garbage to have ever made it past peer-review," James said. "The endless digressions on his neighbor's attempts to stifle the creative process with wand, poison, and torch-wielding mob were understandable, I suppose, but 498 sonnets to his favorite Fwooper is a little excessive."

"And the sestina to his left big toe," Sirius added helpfully. "In Pig Latin. You can't forget that sestina. I've tried." He hesitated for a second, glancing across the room (still staring, damn his eyes), and James buried his head in his hands with a groan. "Peter, did you feel like you were being watched before?"

"Not really. Why?"

"Look at Snape. Don't _you_ think he looks suspicious- more suspicious than usual, I mean."

Peter glanced at the Slytherin and shrugged. "He's staring at Remus the same way that James stared at Lily before he finally asked her out. Same blank stare, same lack of blinking..." James's ears, only partially visible, went bright red. "Someone should warn Remus- it was bad enough when James started transfiguring cute little presents for her. What would Snape send? Dark potions in pretty blown-glass bottles? With ribbons?"

James swiped at Peter's head in annoyance, but Sirius, horrified, had already turned his attention back to Snape. Finally noticing the eyes upon him, Snape slowly turned to meet the Gryffindor's gaze- and Sirius almost flinched from the blatant challenge burning in the black eyes. Almost flinched, but he was Sirius Black and he never, ever backed down from a challenge. Especially not one from the great greasy git he had despised ever since their first meeting on the Hogwarts Express.

Peter and James left together, saying something about finding Lily, but Sirius barely noticed. Normally, he would have immediately gone to pester Moony, but today... he didn't know. He just wanted to watch.

A few uneventful minutes had passed when Snape abruptly gathered his books and stood, walking toward the exit- and Remus. Sirius nearly bit his quill in half. Was Severus Snape actually _blushing_?

Sirius's eyes narrowed as the Slytherin hovered for a breath at Remus's side, obviously unsure. Then, as he was about to walk past, Remus looked up from his book, showing no surprise at finding Snape next to him. Snape hesitated, and finally muttered something under his breath. Remus nodded and responded much too quietly for Sirius to overhear from across the library. They conversed for perhaps a minute before Snape left, robes flapping at his heels. His color, Sirius noted, was still up, and the look he shot Sirius was faintly... smug?

Sirius waited just long enough to be sure that the Slytherin was gone for good before leaping up and arriving at Remus's table in a flurry of papers. "What was _that_ all about?"

"Snape, you mean?" Remus asked, rearranging his notes. "He wanted to know if I had Gregory the Smarmy's book on the rise and fall of the dark arts out from the library. I told him that I'd be through with it in a few days."

Sirius blinked. Of all the things he might have expected, Gregory the Smarmy was not one of them. "Was that all?" he asked, incredulous.

"Yes. He needs it for a project of some sort, he said. Why?"

Sirius, confronted with a reasonable explanation, found himself at a loss for words. "Just that he was staring at you for a long time, and Peter said-" But looking at Remus, he realized that he didn't want Remus to know what Peter had said. No reason to bother _him_ with Peter's ridiculous ideas, really. It quite was enough for the rest of them to have nightmares about elegantly wrapped vials of Swelling Solution.

"And Peter said..." Remus prompted, looking at him expectantly.

"Just that it was suspicious," Sirius finished lamely. "You know how he gets sometimes. Want to go down for dinner?"

"Sure," Remus said, rolling up his open scroll and giving Sirius an odd look. "You do know that you have feathers in your teeth, don't you?"


	2. Waxing

"It's disgusting. look at the way they're carrying on!"

Near the entrance of the Great Hall, Severus Snape and Remus Lupin were speaking quietly to each other. Their conversation seemed to be entirely concentrated on the massive tome that Remus held. Lily Evans, apparently finding the pair completely inoffensive, gave Sirius a bleary-eyed look of annoyance.

"Give it up, Sirius," she said, yawning. "Nyx the Nocturnal might roll over in her grave if she knew that they were discussing her book before noon, but there's nothing really improper about it. Pass the milk, would you?"

Sirius complied, frowning. "How do you know what they're talking about?"

"Read it in my eggs. You should have been paying attention in Divination yesterday. there's a lot to be learned from simple breakfast foods. For instance, if you looked at your cereal, you'd know that house elves will soon be working to remove a rather large stain from your sleeve."

Sirius extricated his elbow from his bowl with an even deeper scowl, and Lily took pity on him.

"It's my book. Remus asked to borrow it last night... something about a research project. Why are you getting so worked up over this? Is this why you've been acting like a twit all week."

"James and Peter think that Snape, er, fancies Remus," Sirius said, dropping his voice. Those weren't the precise words that James had used last night in the common room, but Lily was a girl and Sirius did have _some_ standards.

Lily, about to take a drink, nearly spilled her milk down the front of her robe. "Snape? And Remus?" She giggled. "Oh, that's too funny- Snape's always seemed too prudish for that sort of thing. It's cute, though."

"Cute? It's disgusting!" He stole another glance at the pair by the entrance. Remus seemed to be pointing out a specific passage. Snape, nodding, also touched the book, his finger only a hairsbreadth away from Remus's. Sirius shuddered.

The redhead rolled her eyes. "You're hardly one to talk about disgusting, Sirius. You've been with half the girls in our year, and quite of few of the boys."

"That's different," Sirius said, exasperated. "None of them were Slytherins. None of them were _Snape_."

"I bow to your supreme logic," Lily said dryly. "You sound like a jealous husband. Are you sure that _you_ don't fancy Remus?"

Sirius flushed. "I do not! I'm just worried about him, that's all- Slytherins are bad news, and Snape's the worst of the lot. Moony's practically an innocent, and I won't let him get hurt."

"Remus? Innocent? Are we talking about the same person here? Remus was old before he turned six. I'd be more worried about Snape. _He's_ the one who doesn't know what he's getting into. Remus isn't nearly as sweet and mild as everyone seems to think he is."

"Remus wouldn't hurt a fly," Sirius said rather snippily. "I think I know him just a little better than you do. We've only been living in the same room for nearly five years."

"Whatever," Lily said indulgently. It was too early to quibble. "Speaking of your roommates, where are the rest of them?"

"Probably still in the showers," Sirius said, helping himself to eggs and sausage. "They should be down soon."

"Still in the showers? You mean you got up before them? _You_?"

Sirius shrugged, suddenly extremely interested in his eggs. "Remus was up early, and the noise woke me. I couldn't get back to sleep and I was hungry. I don't see what's so extraordinary about that."

"Nothing, except that Remus makes no more noise than a cat and you can sleep through an earthquake. What are you, his guard dog? He can take care of himself."

Sirius turned angrily, but before he could speak, James, Peter, and Remus seated themselves, talking animatedly. Snape had vanished, presumably to the Slytherin table. Remus, his eyes green as grass, was in particularly fine spirits, and he flashed Lily a bright smile as he took some juice.

"I lent Severus your book- he needs another primary source for his paper. D 'you mind? He said he'll be done in a few days."

She shrugged. "As long as he's careful with it. I won't need it for a little while." Then, to James as he complacently helped himself to some of her eggs: "I'm not done with those! Get your own!"

"But they taste better from your plate!" James grinned, attempting to season the eggs to his taste. She batted his hands out of the way, incidentally spilling salt in Peter's porridge, and James retaliated by swiping her milk while she apologized to Peter.

"At least it doesn't look like anyone's nose will end up upside down this time," said Remus, somewhat used to meals with James and Lily- not to mention Sirius, who would normally have helped himself to the rest of Lily's breakfast while she was distracted. Sirius muttered something incomprehensible around a mouthful of sausage, glowering as Peter borrowed his spoon to participate in a silverware duel. Remus, knowing that a cranky Sirius was not a good conversationalist, tolerantly applied himself to the mound of food piled on his own plate as the battle for Lily's breakfast raged on around him.

"So," Sirius said abruptly, absently moving his glass out of harm's way, "how is _Severus_ this morning?"

"I really don't know," Remus said, surprised. "Since when you do care about Snape?"

"Since when do _you_ care about Snape?" Sirius countered.

"I don't, particularly. Professor Throop suggested that he consult me on his research project, as I worked on something related last year. As long as he stays civil, I don't mind."

"Oh? And what is _Severus_ working on for Defense against the Dark Arts?"

Remus's eyes- _green, greener than Lily's, and why did this nag at him?_ \- narrowed. "A comparison of the behavior of Dark creatures during Grindelwald's reign of terror with their behavior a few decades before and after," he said precisely, offering Sirius a level stare. "Is _this_ why you've been acting like such a twit lately?"

Sirius flushed, but Lily was involved in a three-way grape-flinging contest, and wasn't paying attention. "Are you out of your mind, Re? He's a Slytherin! There's no way you can trust him, let alone help him!"

"I fail to see how even a Slytherin could stab me in the back with his own research paper- he's the one who has to worry about trusting me. Besides, he's not all that awful when he's away from Rosier and his crowd- and when you're not flinging jinxes at his back."

Sirius struck the table in frustration. _He's actually defending that prat!_ "He's asking a Gryffindor for help, Moony- a _Gryffindor_! Think about it! Maybe we should start studying your behavior if you can't see why there's something's wrong with that picture. No wonder Snape is interested in you- when you're done helping him research other Dark creatures, he can use you as another data point!"

For a long, awful, moment, Remus didn't move, speak, or breathe, and the green eyes that bore into his own betrayed no hint of emotion. Then, very calmly, he rose, nodded courteously to James, Peter, and Lily, and left the Great Hall without a word. The others stared after him, Peter with porridge still dripping from his hair. Lily found her voice first.

"Sirius Black, that may be the most despicable thing I've heard you say in five years worth of despicable things. If you know what's good for you, you 'll leave the table right now, fling yourself at his feet, and beg for forgiveness."

"I didn't mean to, I mean I didn't want- I didn't-"

"Think?" James suggested blandly.

"Yeah," said Sirius. "Think. Bugger." He rubbed his eyes. "I can't believe I said that. I really didn't mean it. I was just so angry- he was _defending_ Snape, defending him as if he were just a regular research partner like Leonora Bones or that Ravenclaw he used to work with, and he just doesn't seem to see what Snape is really after. oh, I don't know. Where do you think he went?"

"Class, probably," Peter said. "We have Double Transfiguration in five minutes."

"Great," Sirius said, sighing. "I won't be able to talk to him until lunch."

They stood up and joined the crowd of students streaming to class. James and Lily were holding hands, so Sirius fell in step beside Peter, who was still trying to blot the remaining porridge from his hair.

"Did you notice anything funny about Remus this morning? His eyes, I mean," Sirius clarified as he offered the shorter boy a handkerchief.

Peter stared at him, puzzled. "His eyes?"

Sirius flushed again, feeling foolish. "Well, they were green."

"So?"

"Never mind," Sirius said, not wanting to press the subject.

+++ Tracking Remus down was more difficult than Sirius expected. Remus was already seated with his quill out by the time Sirius arrived in Transfiguration, and Professor McGonagall, her beady eyes fixed on the not-quite-late Sirius, announced that any disruptions would be punished with both loss of House points and detention. After class, McGonagall kept James, Sirius, and Lily late to quiz them about the status of the Gryffindor team- their usual Keeper had recently hexed his arms on backward, and Lily was filling in until Madame Pomfrey could sort things out- and by the time they finally escaped to the Great Hall for lunch, Remus had already vanished.

Remus refused to meet his eye in either Charms or Arithmancy, and Sirius knew that his friend wouldn't thank him for forcing the issue in public. He found the other boy in the library after class, but Remus, apparently oblivious to his presence, was conferring quietly with Snape over Lily's book. Snape, eyes glittering, viewed his hesitant approach with no expression. If he had smirked or sneered, Sirius would have marched up to them, told Snape off without a qualm and apologized to Remus in the next breath, but the Slytherin's unusual restraint sapped his resolve and he turned and left without a word. By the time Remus arrived at dinner- at the precise moment James began to hustle the Gryffindor team out to the Quidditch pitch- Sirius, guilt-ridden and somewhat embarrassed, was beginning to lose his patience.

"What does he want me to do?" he demanded to James during a lull in the practice. "I want to apologize- I feel awful!- but he won't even look at me."

"Try to get him alone tonight," James said, revolving slowly on his broomstick to keep an eye on his teammates. "He's had the day to cool down, and he never stays mad for long. Evans, heads up!" he barked as Lily let a Quaffle slip through her defense.

"He was working with Snape again in the library. D'you think he was doing it on purpose? To upset me or something?"

James sighed. "No, he's doing it because he's Remus and he said that he would. Upsetting you is just a perk."

"Seriously, James!"

"Yes, seriously," James said with a smirk. "Look, Sirius. Remus is my friend, too, and if you don't work things out with him to my satisfaction, I 'll be happy to kick your ass from here to Knockturn Alley, but I have a practice to run right now. If you don't stop mooning over Moony and start doing your job, I'll take your bat and use it for things that would make Snape blush. Clear?"

"Yes, sir, Mr. Quidditch Captain sir," Sirius muttered, and whacked a Bludger at James's retreating back with more force than was strictly necessary.

+++

It was late by the time the Gryffindor team entered the common room, but many of the students were still relaxing around the fireplace as they discussed their weekend plans in Hogsmeade. A quick glance told him that the one student he was interested in was not in sight. Peter, balancing a large bowl of Chocolate Frogs on one knee and his Charms text on the other, motioned him over.

"Moony's upstairs, just got back a little while ago," he said around a mouthful of chocolate. "Go talk to him."

"We'll hang out down here for a while," James added, popping a frog into his mouth. "McGonagall assigned enough Transfiguration homework to keep me busy until dawn, anyway. Oh- she finally gave me permission to take out that book on advanced Transfiguration theory. I picked it up after lunch. We should start looking through that one soon- it's supposed to have the actual instructions for the transformation and not just the theory."

"Good. that's the last one we need. I've been working on her for months with no luck."

Peter grinned. "Probably 'cause you told her that you wanted it because of the pictures of transfigurations gone wrong. Said that it would help keep you on the right path or something."

"It was worth a try," Sirius protested. "Speaking of which, I really wouldn 't mind seeing those pictures, James."

"Not a chance, Black," James said. "Upstairs you go. Scoot."

Sirius bared his teeth in near-grin, and scooted.

+++

It was quiet upstairs, and dark. Sirius almost turned and left before he spotted the slim figure at the window gazing up at the half moon.

"Nice night," he said after a few anguished minutes spent cursing his complete lack of inspiration.

Remus half-turned, but continued to watch the moon. "I suppose," he said, his voice so low that Sirius had to move closer to pick up his words. Then, after a few minutes of silence: "It represents balance, you know. Light and dark. Harmony. I like it, I think."

"I threw off your harmony this morning, didn't I." It wasn't a question, and Remus only offered him a half-smile, finally turning to meet his eyes. "I'm sorry, Re. Snape just sets my teeth on edge, and I lost my temper when you defended that prat to me." _Especially when it's so obvious that he's just using his precious project as an excuse to get close to you._ "I didn 't really mean to call you, well."

"A Dark creature?" The half-smile grew into a full smile, slightly crooked, but genuine. "I am, though."

"Well, yeah, but that's just one day a month. It's not _you_, the real you, any more than Peter is a Slytherin because Rosier once bullied him into telling where James and Lily went to make out."

The crooked smile faded, and Remus turned away for a minute. "No more Slytherin comments, please? I know how you feel about Severus, but I did promise to help him. He's not my favorite person, but we work well together and we share some interests in common. You're in no danger of being replaced, if that's what you're worrying about."

Sirius shrugged. "I'll try, I guess. I just don't trust him." _I don't like the way he looks at you when you're not paying attention._ He forced a grin. "I'll behave- at least until you're done with that project."

That, at least, drew another smile. "I suppose that that's the most I can ask for. Anything more might permanently damage you."

"Are you saying that I lack self-control?"

The smile turned into a grin. "Don't you?"

Sirius mock-frowned, feeling somewhat better. "Don't think that you can distract me by being right- that doesn't work on me."

"No? Then how am I supposed to distract you?"

He blinked; that wasn't quite what he expected, and Remus looked unusually intent despite the grin. "Well, James either insults me or makes extravagant threats. Peter plays dumb or throws Chocolate Frogs. You usually use long words and dissect my sentences until I can't remember what I originally meant to say."

"All right. How do you distract me?"

That was easier; he knew the answer to that one. "I offer you a backrub. Want one?"

"I thought you'd never ask," Remus said dryly.

At Sirius's amused (and mildly obscene) gesture, he obligingly shrugged out of his shirt and stretched himself full-length on his bed. Sirius, his own minor aches forgotten, set to work on the other boy's back and shoulders. Remus sighed and sank into the bed, eyes half-closed.

It was an old routine of theirs, so old that Sirius couldn't quite remember how it had begun. Remus was often bothered by tension as the moon waxed; Sirius had a school-wide reputation for giving the best massages in Gryffindor Tower. It worked out well- Sirius claimed that at least half of his conquests were the result of the techniques he had honed on Remus. Remus, for his part, didn't much care what Sirius claimed as long as he kept rubbing. Sirius, during a rare moment of introspection, had once thought that it might be a reaction to the way Remus courteously but firmly avoided physical content from everyone else, leaving him with the overflow. He had mentioned it to Remus, but his friend had only shrugged in response. More often, he reflected that Remus acted very much like a puppy being petted. _That_ he never mentioned. He knew better.

It was. pleasant, rubbing Remus's back. Not at all like giving massages to any of his crushes. He knew where he stood with Remus, and he knew exactly how Remus liked to be touched. By the time he reached that point in his relationships, most of the original infatuation had amicably dwindled. Easily distracted, he supposed.

Finding a particularly tense spot, he pushed harder, kneading into the wiry muscle. Remus made a sound halfway between a purr and a growl, and buried his face in his pillow. His skin, unmarked except for the faint, silvery scar at the junction of his neck and shoulder, gleamed in the faint moonlight. _Wouldn't Snape just love to see him like this._

His mind suddenly fixed on an image from breakfast: Remus pointing out a passage, and Snape just nearly brushing his finger. Remus hadn't even seemed to notice, where he would have normally have distanced himself immediately from such a familiar gesture. It was. unlike him. He had never known Remus to accept even the illusion of intimacy from anyone at all, even him. Only backrubs. Almost unconsciously, his motions grew rougher, and Remus stretched luxuriously under his hands.

_What is he thinking about?_ It had never occurred to him to wonder what Remus thought about during their sessions. There was no need or room for thought, really. just sensation.

_Who is he thinking about?_ He worried at his lower lip, concentrating on the play of moonlight on skin. _Is he imagining Snape's hands on his body, Snape's voice in his ears?_

Remus twisted suddenly, peering up at him. "Are you all right, Sirius? I smell blood."

Sirius realized dully that his lip was bleeding. "It's nothing, really," he said, his voice sounding distant in his own ears. "I just bit it."

The other boy's face was in shadow, but Sirius could still catch the hint of green in the wide eyes. _I never noticed that his eyes shifted color. Even Peter noticed._

Remus reached up, his hand just nearly touching Sirius's face. "Can I help?"

They stared at each other for a long moment, and then Sirius jerked his head away. "No," he muttered. "I'll be fine."

He heard footsteps and voices, James teasing Peter about finishing an entire carton of Chocolate Frogs. He moved away, blindly seeking his own bed. A low voice stopped him.

"Are you all right, Sirius?"

Sirius didn't want to turn around, didn't want to see Remus in the moonlight, didn't want to see a phantom Snape hovering over his friend. "Yes. I'm fine."

Remus could scent a lie as easily as he could blood, but he didn't challenge Sirius's statement. Sirius heard him draw the curtains around his bed and he did the same before James and Peter could speak to him. He closed his eyes and curled up under his blanket, but he didn't fall asleep until long after the moon had set.


	3. Full Moon

"Time out! Black, get over here!"

It took Sirius nearly a minute to locate the impatiently waving James. Scowling, he followed as the other boy urged his broom into a steep descent. James hopped off his broomstick six feet from the ground, landing like a cat. Sirius dismounted more slowly, clutching his bat defensively.

"What the hell is the matter with you, Sirius?" James demanded, blue eyes clouded with frustration. "You were a complete ass last week with all of your bitching about Snape, but at least you managed to pay _some_ attention to the game. This week, you've been giving everyone the silent treatment- especially Remus, and don't think I haven't noticed that you haven't said more than two words to him all week- and your playing, frankly, sucks basilisk eggs. Have you forgotten that we're playing Slytherin next week? We need this game for the Cup!"

"You're right," Sirius said, his voice strained. "If Remus chooses to spend all of his free time consorting with Slytherins- no doubt being quizzed on our Quidditch strategies, along with our passwords and the way to our common room- that's just another hazard of inter-House play, right? No reason for that to affect my game. Damn it, James, am I the only one who sees what's really going on here?"

"All I see is Remus helping Snape- who, despite his over-large nose, counts as only one Slytherin- with a research project. All Lily sees is Remus helping Snape- still a singular entity- with a research project. All Peter sees-"

Sirius flung his bat at the ground. "All _I_ see is Snape trying to get under Moony's robes. You've seen the way he stares at Remus!"

"I have," James admitted.

"Then why-"

"Because it's none of our business, Sirius. None of our business. I'm no fonder of Snape than you are, but if Remus wants to help him with a project, that's his affair. Why are you getting so worked up about it?"

Sirius actually sputtered. "How can you say that? The whole idea is disgusting!"

"What is? The whole male-male thing? That can't be it unless you've turned hypocrite on me. Maybe it's the idea of someone finding Remus attractive? It's about time, I say- he's never gotten half the attention he deserves."

"No, not that- of course he's attractive. I mean Snape! It's practically bestiality or something. Necrophilia, maybe."

"I suppose, but if Snape doesn't mind."

"James!"

James grinned. "All right, all right. Don't tell Moony I said that. So if it were someone else- Leonora Bones, maybe, or Tad Astelin- you wouldn't mind?"

"Are you insane? Leonora Bones has been with more boys than, well, _me_, and Tad Astelin is the dullest person to have made into Ravenclaw in years. Remus can do so much better than that!"

"I see," James said, trying to suppress another grin and failing miserably. "Not that you've been with anyone lately, though."

"I've been preoccupied. Why, are you volunteering?" Sirius batted his eyes coyly, striking a pose. "I can always make time for the captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team."

"Not unless you want to challenge Lily for me- she seems pretty attached."

"Ugh- no thanks. Lily fights dirty."

"She does, doesn't she," James said fondly. Sirius rolled his eyes. "Look, Sirius, who are you mad at?"

Sirius blinked. "Huh?"

"You've been snapping at people all week, stamping around like a troll, hitting tables, flinging your bat around, and, in general, acting like a prat. You have to be mad at _someone_. Who is it? Moony or Snape?"

"Well, Snape, of course."

"Then why are you taking it out on Remus? Aside from ignoring him all week, you just accused him of passing information to Slytherin. That's pretty low, Sirius."

Sirius opened his mouth, and then closed it again. After a few minutes: "You're right, I guess."

"I know," James said smugly. "That's why I'm the Quidditch captain."

Sirius didn't return the other boy's grin. "Do you think that Moony has a thing for Snape?"

It was James's turn to hesitate. "Why do you ask?" he temporized, toying with his glasses.

"He's been acting. strangely." An image of two fingers nearly touching over a book hovered before his eyes, and he shook his head to rid himself of the picture. "Spending so much time with Snape. has to know how Snape feels. This is Moony we're talking about here. He can smell what people are thinking."

"I think it has more to do with reading body language, actually," said Lily, circling five feet above their heads. "And sweat. He can smell that."

Sirius glared up at her, distracted. "Who appointed you the local expert on Remus?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Remus, actually. No need to get snippy just because I bothered to ask him how he did it instead of making up ridiculous theories. Look, gentlemen. I hate to interrupt such a fascinating conversation, but it's starting to get dark."

James frowned up at the sky. "It is getting late," he said. "We're not even half done, either."

"It's not my fault that you decided that you needed to lecture me on the bird and the bees," Sirius said.

"Well, it's not my fault that you're letting your feelings for Remus get in the way of Quidditch practice!"

Sirius's mouth dropped open. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"I should think that it's obvious, really," Lily murmured.

Sirius squawked.

"That _is_ why you've been getting so worked up about Snape, right?" she continued. "Not to mention why you're so worried about Remus possibly returning Snape's feelings."

"And no one else being good enough for him," James added. "Pretty damning evidence, if you ask me. Oh- and the backrubs, too."

Sirius, still sputtering, finally found something to latch onto. "I give _everyone_ backrubs!"

"Not like you give Remus," James said. "If you gave me the same kind of massage that you give him on a regular basis, Lily really would have to beat you up." He ducked as Lily swooped low enough to tug at his hair.

"You're barking mad, the both of you," Sirius said. "He's my _friend_."

"Nothing wrong with that," James said, blowing Lily an exaggerated kiss. She pretended to swoon as she caught it, dangling expertly from the broomstick by one knee. "Some of the best relationships start out that way."

"Just because I'm looking out for Moony's best interests- unlike some other people I could name- doesn't mean that I'm _attracted_ to him or anything!"

"So he's not attractive?" James asked.

"Well, yeah, but-"

"And the idea of him falling for Snape doesn't bother you at all?"

"Snape doesn't even know who he is!" he snapped, wishing that he had kept his bat. He wanted to throw it again. At James. Or Snape. Or at bloody Remus for helping Snape when he knew better. "Remus can do better. He _deserves_ better."

James and Lily exchanged a Significant Glance. Sirius took the opportunity to retrieve his bat. Just in case.

"All right," James said finally. "You are not attracted to Remus. You are certainly not jealous of Snape. You are simply acting as any concerned person would when a friend was in imminent danger of finally getting some. With that in mind, I suggest that we get back to practice before it's too dark to see the Snitch, and one of the Bludgers breaks someone's jaw. Agreed?"

"Agreed," Sirius said before he could think too much about what James had said.

"Good," James said, swinging back onto his broom. "We need this game for the Cup, Sirius. You're the best Beater we've got. we can't afford to have you distracted."

"I know, I know," he said, kicking off a breath behind James.

It was nearly dark, but between the glowballs that Lily conjured and the nearly full moon, there was enough light to see by. Sirius applied himself to the practice with a new ferocity, but two images kept flashing before his eyes: two hands almost touching over a book, and a slim, wiry body in the moonlight.

_Later. I'll figure it all out later._

+++

Sirius settled himself in a couch in the common room, and stared industriously at his Transfiguration homework. He tried not to notice the room slowly emptying as the other students grew tired and sought their beds. He had a lot of work to catch up on, after all- Quidditch practice every day tended to cut into one's study time. Not that James's grades were suffering. Or Lily's.

Besides, Remus wasn't back.

He was working with Snape, Peter had reported. Finishing up the project. Said that he shouldn't be too late.

It was late.

It was late, and he was tired. He was tired, and he couldn't sleep. Not until he had seen Remus. Just to prove to himself that James was wrong.

_James is never wrong. That's what makes him so bloody annoying to be around._

Sirius stared at his homework. After a while, he stared out the window. Outside, the Whomping Willow thrashed its branches in the moonlight. He imagined tying Snape to the tree. It was a pleasant thought.

"Sirius?"

"Hmm?" He looked around. "Oh, Peter," he said, not bothering to hide his disappointment. "What is it?"

"It's late, Sirius. Aren't you coming up to bed?"

"Soon. I'm just waiting for Moony."

Peter shrugged. "All right. He did say that he wouldn't be too late."

Sirius made a great show of looking at his watch. Peter shrugged again, looking uncomfortable.

"What's that?" he asked to change the subject, peering at the scroll in Sirius's lap.

"My Transfiguration homework," he said, trying to hide it. Peter, however, had the leverage, and he managed to pull it away from Sirius. "Give it back, Pete!"

Peter grinned as he glanced over the rough but enthusiastic rendering of Snape's execution by tree. "I can't say much for your technique, but you charmed it really well- you can actually tell what Snape's screaming if you look hard enough."

"What's he saying now?"

"Looks like 'Arrrarragh' to me."

"Oh."

"Sirius, are you all right? You haven't been acting like yourself lately."

Sirius dropped his head into his hands. "Not you, too, Pete!"

Peter snorted. "Fine. Work it out on your own, then. I'm going to bed."

"Sure. I'll be up soon."

Peter left, and Sirius returned to his Transfiguration scroll, adding a few more details to his drawing. He was particularly proud of the bit with the vultures. He considering adding in a pack of wolves, but finally decided that it might be in poor taste.

After nearly an hour of industrious illustration, Sirius yawned and gazed out the window to rest his burning eyes. The moon had set, but Mars was particularly bright. Venus, too, he thought, but he wasn't entirely sure. Astronomy had always been Moony's subject, never his. He was almost certain it was Venus.

"Sirius?"

He jumped, the scroll sliding from his lap as Remus tapped him on the shoulder. The sky outside the window was now grey, and Remus's eyes- hazel?- almost seemed to glow in the half-light. Sirius meant to say something like "I was worried," but instead, what came out was "Where the hell were you?"

Remus frowned and drew back. Sirius discreetly kicked his Transfiguration scroll under the couch. "I was in the hospital wing. We had to do some last minute research in the Monster Book of Monsters, and I got careless. Severus insisted on taking me to Madame Pomfrey, and she then insisted on keeping me through the night. Why on earth did you feel the need to wait up for me in the common room?"

Sirius ignored the question, staring instead at the long scar running nearly the full length of the other boy's forearm. It was white and puckered, look ing as if it had been there for years. It would be gone before lunch, he knew; Remus healed quickly. Still, the original wound must have been terrible to have persisted so long- and Remus was never careless. "How could that monster book get you? You're the one who taught me how to use it! What the hell was _Severus_ doing to distract you so much?"

"_Severus_ was explaining a fascinating theory of his on vampire/human predator/prey cycles," Remus said, his eyes flashing but his voice steady. "I'd relate it to you, but I don't think that you'd appreciate it. it's a little on the technical side."

Sirius was on his feet before he realized it, planting himself directly in front of Remus. "Are you calling me stupid?"

Remus stood his ground, boring into Sirius's eyes at point blank range. "No. You are the most hot-headed, bloody-minded, thoughtless, tactless, _oblivious_ prick, I've ever met, but you're not stupid. At least, I never thought that you were."

Taken aback by the intense fierceness in the other boy's eyes, Sirius floundered briefly for words. This was Remus? Gentle, mild Remus with his eyes always downcast? "You never used to be spiteful. I suppose that's something else you learned from Snape. how to go for the throat."

For just a moment, Remus was perfectly still. "No, Sirius," he whispered finally, and Sirius learned that the only thing more unnerving than unexpected heat was watching it fade to ice and ashes before his eyes. "That's something I learned on my own."

"Re?" he whispered, hating the sudden tremor in his voice.

"Good night, Sirius."

Remus left, heading for the boys' dormitory. Finally released from Remus's gaze, Sirius collapsed back onto his couch.

_Oh, Re._

+++

"You did it again, didn't you."

"Shut up, James."

"You didn't think, and you acted like an ass. Again."

"Shut up, James."

"You pushed him, and he almost snapped."

Sirius slammed his fist down on the table, making his plate jump. "'Almost' snapped? There was nothing 'almost' about it!"

"Oh, yes, there was. If he had snapped, we'd still be picking pieces of you out of the floorboards." His voice dropped to a whisper. "Damn it, Sirius! You don't aggravate a werewolf just before the full moon!"

Sirius clenched his fists until his knuckles turned white. "Where is he?"

James looked at him, eyes widening. "No, Sirius. Not now. You don't even know what you're feeling right now- you need to cool off."

"What I need, James, are friends who don't analyze me, don't condescend to me, and, most of all, don't blow me off in favor of Snape!"

James's gaze flickered, just for a second, but Sirius caught it. "I see," he said. "The library, then." He stood.

James also rose, catching at his arm. "Sirius, don't. You're not thinking straight. At least finish lunch-"

Sirius brushed the hand off none too gently. "Sod off, Potter." He left.

James stared after him, frowning.

+++

He entered the library in a fury. Remus and Snape were not immediately visible, and Sirius was forced to stop and think for a second. The paper was for Defense against the Dark Arts, but he had already searched that section. There was a small study room by the restricted section- maybe there? He hadn't taken more than three steps in that direction when he heard familiar voices. Reacting instinctively, he ducked behind a convenient bookcase.

"Here it is." Remus's low voice carried perfectly to Sirius's impromptu hideaway. "Last one, right?"

"Yes," said Snape. "I just need the author- there. You can put it back."

"It's done, then. All except for the final editing."

"I plan to do that tonight. Would you mind looking it over for me?"

"Of course not," Remus said, chuckling, and something deep inside of Sirius twisted painfully. _He sounds so bloody _normal_._ "After all that research we did, I'd be rather put out if I didn't get to see the final version."

"I suppose," Snape said, only a hint of his normal brusqueness flavoring his voice. "I really don't know how to thank you- you've done so much. It couldn't have been easy, not with your own work to do."

"It's an interesting field," Remus said depreciatingly. Sirius didn't need his eyes to see the familiar, lopsided shrug that he knew accompanied his friend's words. "I should really be thanking you- I've unearthed enough material for at least three papers of my own. Perhaps I'll use your paper as one of my sources."

Sirius risked pushing a few books aside, and was rewarded by a glimpse of Snape's head. _Damned greasy bastard. Move so I can see Remus._

Snape, characteristically, remained firmly in place. "I am sorry for the trouble I've caused you," he continued rather formally. "I know that working with me has caused some friction between you and your friends."

Shockingly, Remus laughed- the rich, irresistible, _real_ laugh that Sirius hadn't heard in weeks. "You're a lousy liar, Sev- I know that you've enjoyed every dirty look that Sirius has thrown your way."

Snape also laughed, and Sirius barely felt the pain as his nails dug into his palms. _How _dare_ they discuss me?_

"Personally, I wouldn't care if Black painted himself blue and danced the hornpipe on Dumbledore's desk. But you are close to him, so."

"Yes," Remus said noncommittally. "Sirius and I are- we have always been- friends."

"I see."

There was a sudden flurry of movement as several students hurried past, and Sirius pressed himself further back into the stacks.

"It must be nearly time for class," Remus murmured. "We should go-"

"Wait," Snape said, his voice a little too loud. "Remus, could I see you tonight? I- we need to talk."

Remus's voice grew distant. "Not tonight, Severus. I have another engagement."

"Could you break it?"

"I really can't. Maybe tomorrow?"

"But, Re, I-"

"I'm sorry, Severus. Tomorrow."

Sirius hardly heard Snape's response over the rushing in his ears. _That's _my_ name for him. Mine. Always, only, forever mine._

They left, and Sirius finally caught a glimpse of Remus. It was the same face, the same eyes that he had known for the past five years. Nothing had changed. Everything had changed. _Never noticed. oh, Re._

He shouldn't feel this cold, he knew. As if he had suddenly been turned to ice, each thought gliding through his mind like a glacier. Anger had always been heat and fire for him, quick words and motions that burnt themselves out in a blaze of fury. This was different. He could move, and act, and think, but nothing mattered. Everything was quiet, and oh so cold.

_Will you still lust after him when you know what he is? Will you still want him then?_

+++

Afternoon passed slowly into evening. Remus, even quieter than usual, disappeared after dinner. Sirius watched him leave without a word. James attempted to draw him into a conversation, but Sirius left the other boy in mid-sentence.

After a few minutes of aimless wandering, Sirius found himself at the foot of the Astronomy Tower. Having nothing better to do, he climbed to the top. The moon had not yet risen, and he could barely pick out the dim shapes that he knew were Remus and Madame Pomfrey on their way to the Shrieking Shack. Madame Pomfrey poked at the Whomping Willow with a long stick, and the tree' s thrashing branches froze. Sirius lost interest. He already knew the tree 's secret.

He headed back toward Gryffindor Tower, and was preoccupied enough that he only noticed Snape after he nearly tripped over him.

"What the hell are _you_ doing here?" he snarled. Snape had no right to be in Gryffindor territory, hovering right in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady.

"Wasting my time, apparently," Snape said coolly.

Sirius bared his teeth. "Waiting for someone?"

"I most certainly am not."

"Then what are you doing here, if not looking for your little study buddy?"

Snape whirled on him like a giant bird of prey, his eyes flat and menacing. "Don't you _dare_ speak of Remus in that tone. You don't deserve him. You never have, and you never will. He is a scholar and a gentleman, and all you will ever be is a buffoon with a bat."

Sirius took a deep breath, and smiled all the way down to his soul. Oh, but he was cold inside. "Quidditch and clowning may be all I have, but they love me for it," he whispered. "All you are is a minor league potion-brewer with pretensions of Darkness. Nobody really likes you, Snape- not the professors, not your own House, and not Remus. Remus was only interested in your work, never you."

The Slytherin flinched. "You're lying," he rasped. "You don't know him as well as you think you do."

"And you don't know him at all. He's mine, Snape. Mine. You'll keep away if you know what's good for you."

"Tell me where he is."

"The Shrieking Shack."

Snape hesitated. "What do you mean?"

Sirius smiled. "There's a large knot on the northern side of the Whomping Willow. Press it with a stick, and the branches will freeze. If you move quickly, you'll have time to find a tunnel under the tree. Follow it into the Shack. If you want Moony, you'll find him there."

"We'll see," Snape hissed, and stalked off.

Sirius watched him go without blinking. When Snape was out of sight, he turned back to the Fat Lady. "_Semper fidelis_," he said.

"Are you sure that was a good idea, dear?" the Fat Lady asked as she swung open.

Sirius climbed through the portrait hole without a word.

The common room was crowded and noisy, and Sirius was ready to leave when Peter caught his arm and began talking to him. Sirius only half listened, his mind still caught in that odd detachment. The moon was now up, he noticed. Bright and full, and it meant something. Something important. He didn't care. He turned away, but not before Peter had been distracted.

"That's funny," he said, standing on his tiptoes to peer out the window. Moonlight bathed the grounds to a near-day brightness. "That looks like Snape heading toward the Whomping Willow."

"Probably," Sirius said.

Peter looked at him strangely. "Sirius," he said slowly. "Why is Snape voluntarily heading toward the most dangerous tree on the Hogwarts grounds?"

"Because I told him how to get past the tree and into the Shack."

Eyes widening in horror, Peter began to shake. "Sirius."

"He wanted to talk to Remus."

But Peter was already gone, screaming for James. Seconds later, James came barreling out of the dormitory, his hair mussed and his glasses askew.

"Damn you, Sirius," he hissed as he sprinted for the door. "What have you done?"

Lily, green eyes enormous and cheeks bright red, stumbled out of the boys' dormitory, trying to straighten her robes. At any other time at all, Sirius would have snickered. Instead, he turned and left before she could speak.

+++

The Astronomy Tower was cold in the moonlight, but Sirius didn't notice the chill. He settled himself on a bench and watched the stars turn. Far below, a werewolf howled in frustration and two boys staggered out of a tunnel to safety, but Sirius didn't look down. He watched the stars turn and the moon set, and as he waited, Remus's face and voice filled his mind. _Oh, Re._

Professor McGonagall came for him at dawn.


	4. Waning

Professor McGonagall stared at Sirius for a long time before she spoke.

"The Headmaster wishes to see you now, Mr. Black," she said finally.

Sirius nodded wordlessly and slowly, very slowly, swung his legs from the bench to the ground. Pain lanced through his feet as they hit the stone floor, and he nearly fell. McGonagall made as if to catch his arm, but visibly restrained herself. Sirius was grateful. He didn't want to be touched.

"Come along, then," McGonagall said crisply, turning to the staircase. Sirius hobbled after her, each step shooting pins and needles through his legs. His feet hurt abominably, his neck was stiff, and the oddly liberating icy fury he remembered from last night seemed to have shifted from his brain to his extremities. He felt utterly drained, and too cold even to shiver.

_So cold, but not like last night... oh, Remus, what did I do?_

+++

Hogwarts was waking up, and bleary-eyed students were beginning to straggle out of their dormitories and into the corridors. Sirius trained his eyes on McGonagall's ramrod-straight back to avoid the curious glances. An odd sense of distance- almost as if he were looking out at the world through a sheet of ice- was all that remained of his towering rage, and he had the strangest feeling that if someone were to touch him, he would shatter like glass.

McGonagall finally paused in front of a statue of a gargoyle, turning to give him another searching look. Sirius returned her gaze blankly, too exhausted to avert his eyes again. Her mouth tightened in- anger? frustration?- and the hand clutching her wand was white-knuckled.

"You foolish, foolish boy," she whispered, boring into his eyes. "Do you have any idea what you did? Did you even once consider the consequences?"

Sirius froze, trapped between a cold stone wall and McGonagall's tightly-reined fury. Pieces of it were there- Remus's low, caramel laughter, Snape's fierce black eyes, Peter's terror- but only brief flashes, nothing substantial. Nothing to grab hold of. Only images, and laughter, and the feeling of ice-water running through his veins.

And then, the gargoyle slid aside and James Potter and Madame Pomfrey came out into the corridor.

_James._

James, pale and drawn with deep shadows underneath his eyes. Scratched and bruised and looking as if he had aged a decade in the passing of a night, but alive and whole still.

_Why shouldn't he be alive?_

Alive and whole, and looking at him with a kind of exasperated anger.

_Because he went after Snape._

Looking at him with exasperated anger, but also the barest hint of a smug smile, because James the Perfect Prefect, James the Quidditch Captain had somehow managed to save the day again, and he _knew_ how much Sirius hated that.

_The Shrieking Shack. I sent Snape to the Shrieking Shack, and James went to stop him._

"James," he whispered, and stopped, surprised by the harshness of his voice.

_I sent Snape to Remus during a full moon, and James followed to save him. Save them._

Sirius took one step forward, and another, and before he could think about it anymore, grabbed James in a rough embrace. The other boy hesitated a second and then, because he was James who saved Slytherins from horrid fates at the risk of his own life, James who couldn't hold a bloody grudge to save his skin, brought his arms up to return the embrace- and something in Sirius shattered.

_Could have been killed, and it would have been my fault. Best friend, oldest friend, shouldn't have let you get involved in this._

Very quietly, just for his ears, James murmured: "Don't pretend that you're happy to see me, Black. I know you were already planning your triumphant season as Quidditch Captain."

Sirius realized that he was dangerously near tears. _Damn you, James. Can 't laugh this one away, not really._ "Not me," he said, trying to keep his voice steady. "Milo Soren and Trina Pike both have seniority."

"You'd figure something out," James said wryly. Then: "Be careful. Snape's up there right now, and he's practically foaming at the mouth. Dumbledore isn't happy, but I think he's still willing to listen. I did what I could. Don't do anything stupid."

_Too late for that._ He nodded, and let his arms fall to his sides. Madame Pomfrey promptly hustled James away toward the hospital wing, leaving only a low but constant stream of imprecations on heartless Headmasters and careless students behind them. McGonagall was looking at Sirius again- for all he knew, she had never stopped- but at least she was no longer gripping her wand quite so tightly.

"Ice Mice," she said briskly and, once again, the gargoyle slid aside to reveal the tunnel up to Dumbledore's office.

+++

"Well, Mr. Black. Is there anything you would like to add to Mr. Snape's account?"

Sirius stared resolutely at the floor. Dumbledore's tone was gentle enough, but Sirius harbored no illusions about the Headmaster's ability to dispense justice. It was not, after all, his first time in Dumbledore's office. "It 's true that I told him how to get into the Shrieking Shack, but James and Remus had nothing to do with it."

"Stop trying to protect your friends," Snape said, his voice almost a hiss. "You'd never have dared to do this on your own."

That was patently untrue and unfair, but Dumbledore spoke before Sirius was able to gather his thoughts. "Mr. Snape, I have spoken with both Mr. Potter and, briefly, Mr. Lupin, and I am convinced that neither of them had any hand in plotting this event. Mr. Lupin, certainly, had nothing to gain by this incident and everything to lose."

"Remus Lupin," Snape said softly, "is a danger to the wizarding world, and should be put down like the menace he is."

"Remus Lupin," Sirius mimicked, unable to stop himself, "is a scholar and a gentleman- or so I have it on the highest authority."

For a dizzying moment, Sirius thought that Snape was actually going curse him in front of Dumbledore. It was a near thing- Snape's hand came very near to his wand- but the Slytherin mastered himself with an effort, and Sirius relaxed fractionally.

"I shall pretend that I did not hear that last exchange, gentlemen," Dumbledore said mildly, gazing at them over the rims of his half-moon glasses. "Mr. Lupin is not the topic under discussion right now. Mr. Black, did you plan this incident out ahead of time, or was it done on the spur of the moment?"

_In other words, was it supposed to be a premeditated murder or just a lucky break?_ Sirius shook his head to rid himself of the mocking voice in the back of his mind. It sounded too much like Snape for his own comfort. "It was not premeditated, sir. It... just happened."

The Slytherin was surprisingly still, perhaps because of the warning glance the Headmaster cast his way. Dumbledore steepled his fingers on his desk, and returned his attention to Sirius. "The important question, then, is why. Why did you direct Mr. Snape to the Shrieking Shack when you knew that he would there encounter a fully-grown, enraged werewolf?"

Sirius swallowed with some difficulty. "I was angry. Very angry. Very cold. And... jealous. I think that I felt that Snape didn't- didn't deserve Remus, not when he didn't even know that he was a werewolf. And- I think I wanted to show Remus that Snape wasn't to be trusted." _And I was right, too._

Dumbledore's gaze was steady, and his eyes were surprisingly gentle, if rather sad. "Mr. Black, did you understand the possible consequences of your actions when you told Mr. Snape how to find Mr. Lupin?"

Sirius forced himself to maintain eye contact with Dumbledore. _This is it..._ "I don't think so, sir. Not then. Everything is still a little foggy. I really wasn't thinking much of anything- just that if Snape wanted Remus so much, he should know what he was getting."

"Don't be absurd," Snape hissed, unable to restrain himself. "I have absolutely no feelings for that- that monster. He was my research partner, nothing more."

"I didn't notice that you brought your paper along with you to the Shrieking Shack," Sirius responded, goaded.

The Slytherin sneered at him. "You just said that the incident was 'foggy' in your mind. If that's not just a convenient excuse, not even you could expect us to take your word on that."

"Where's the paper, then?" Sirius shot back. "Did you drop it along the way?"

Snape flushed. "It was lost when I was escaping from the werewolf."

"Are you so certain of that, Mr. Snape?" Dumbledore asked. "By necessity, I keep a close watch on Mr. Lupin, and your recent behavior has been, let us say, remarkable. Are you very sure that your paper is scattered about the Hogwarts grounds and not safe in your dormitory?"

Snape was silent, and the look in his eyes was almost one of- betrayal?

The Headmaster nodded. "Mr. Black and I still have a few things to discuss, but I suggest that you see Madame Pomfrey in the hospital wing. She is likely to turn up of her own accord- again- if you don't appear there presently."

Snape didn't move. "You're going to let him off," he predicted bitterly. "Black set me up to be murdered, and you're going to let him off with a slap on the wrist."

Dumbledore's gaze hardened. "That is a matter that Mr. Black and I have yet to discuss- and I must remind you that your own conduct is not above reproach. I have chosen to let your Head of House deal with the matter of your being out-of-bounds, but you can expect to serve detention at the very least."

"I see," Snape said, his voice dropping to a near-whisper. "I get detention for being out-of-bounds, and Black gets a reprimand for attempted murder. How many points will Black lose for Gryffindor- 10? 20? Is that the worth of a Slytherin's life these days? There are others who would place a higher premium on a wizard's life." Snape paused for breath, but Dumbledore did not speak. "What are you going to do with the werewolf? Does he get detention, too?"

"Mr. Lupin's only crime was being abroad during a full moon a decade ago, and for that he has been punished more completely than any of us may know. He is as much a victim here as you are."

"A victim? He could have killed me, or anyone else who got within reach. He is a danger to this school, and should be expelled." Snape lifted his chin, his eyes glittering oddly. "I will bring the situation to the attention of the board of governors and the media if I must."

Sirius caught his breath, his fists clenching in fury at the utter injustice of it. Remus in danger of expulsion, and Snape threatening- threatening!- Dumbledore... _Damn you, Snape. Damn you for ever being born in the first place._

Dumbledore, however, didn't seem at all distressed, only saddened. After a moment: "I cannot allow you to do that, Severus. You would only trigger a new wave of hatred against werewolves and other part-humans, and I can't allow you to ruin countless lives to salve your pride and your heart. You have a choice between giving me your word that you will not discuss last night's events with anyone besides myself, or having a Memory Charm placed on you. It is your choice, but you will not leave this office until I am satisfied of your continued silence."

Snape scowled and was silent for a long time. "You have my word, then," he said finally. He stood. "I will not speak of these matters to anyone, but I believe that your judgment is flawed in this case, and perhaps in others, as well."

Dumbledore inclined his head gravely. "I am sorry, Severus. More sorry than you know."

Snape nodded in return, and walked to the door. As he passed Sirius, he hesitated a second.

"The werewolf is a monster and should be put down, but you are a criminal, Black, and you deserve to rot in Azkaban," he murmured. "They'll take you there one day, and throw you to the dementors, and when they do, I'll come and watch. I'll watch, and I'll laugh, because I'll know that you're finally where you belong."

"Go to hell, Snape," Sirius responded, but his voice wasn't quite as steady as he wanted it to be. If Snape noticed, he gave no sign; he closed the door quietly, and the room seemed larger and more echoing in his absence.

"Well, Mr. Black," Dumbledore said finally. "What shall I do with you?"

"I don't know, sir," Sirius admitted. "You're not going to expel me, are you? Not if you want to keep it a secret."

Dumbledore smiled slightly. "I could, but I don't think that it will be necessary. I think your place in Hogwarts is safe for the time being. I will let Professor McGonagall handle most of the details of your punishment "

Sirius couldn't stop the relief from showing in his face, and didn't even try. _Safe... and Remus safe, too. I can deal with anything else, so long as he doesn't expel me. All McGonagall can do is give detention and take away points._

"However," Dumbledore continued, giving Sirius a very pointed look, "as you did commit an extremely serious offense, I must insist that you resign from the Quidditch team."

_Anything but _that_._ "But we're playing Slytherin this weekend!" Sirius cried, horrified. "We don't have a reserve Beater, and we need this game for the Cup!"

"I'm well aware of the circumstances, Mr. Black," the Headmaster said.

Sirius leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. _Can't believe it... kicked off the team._ Aloud, he said: "James is going to _kill_ me."

Surprisingly, Dumbledore chuckled. "Mr. Potter may be upset, but I'm certain he will get over his disappointment eventually."

"You don't know James and Quidditch," Sirius said glumly.

"Perhaps," Dumbledore conceded. "However, I am more concerned with your state of mind than with the Quidditch standings right now."

_Oh, no... now he thinks I'm crazy._ "I'm fine now, sir," Sirius said cautiously. _What if I am crazy?_

The Headmaster nodded. "If you start to feel at all like you did last night, you are to contact either Professor McGonagall, Madame Pomfrey, or myself immediately. If they recur, it might be wise to contact a specialist."

Sirius swallowed. "You don't think I'm crazy, do you, Professor?"

"No, Sirius. I don't think that you're crazy, but I do know that you've been under a great deal of stress, and Mr. Snape is not the only person I've noticed acting oddly around Mr. Lupin lately." Sirius felt his ears go red, and Dumbledore smiled. "I suggest that you speak with him soon. I also recommend that you return to your dormitory, and get some rest. Professor McGonagall is waiting downstairs to escort you- she no doubt has matters of her own to discuss with you."

"All right, Professor," Sirius said, rising. "And- thank you."

+++

Sirius rested his arms on the windowsill and gazed out into the early morning sunshine. Far below, students trudged out to the greenhouses, and Hagrid stumped toward the Forbidden Forest, two enormous wolfhounds at his heels. There was a faint breeze, and the air was cool and crisp. It looked like a perfect day for flying. For Quidditch.

_James is going to _kill_ me._

No Quidditch... no free time in which to miss it, either. Not after McGonagall gave him detention for the rest of the year, and took fifty points from Gryffindor for good measure.

_They're _all_ going to kill me._

It could be worse, he supposed. He could have been expelled. Or sent to Azkaban. James might have been killed. Instead, he was only going to be the most hated student in Gryffindor, and a possible candidate for St. Mungo 's. He scowled, resigned to his fate. All in all, things could be-

"I always knew this would happen someday."

He froze.

"I always knew. All werewolves are born to betrayal, and I knew my lot would be no different. But- oh, Sirius- I never thought that it would be you."

Very slowly, Sirius turned. Turned and saw Remus for the first time.

He burned. Gaunt and exhausted, his face lined and shadowed by pain, Remus Lupin leant on the doorframe for support, and _burned_.

"Re, I-"

Almost casually, Remus lifted his head and captured Sirius's gaze with his own. Golden eyes reached deep into his soul and stole away his words and his heart.

"Do not call me that. I don't think I ever want to hear you use that name again."

Sirius flinched, utterly astonished by the growing ache inside of him that left him breathless. Remus regarded him steadily, searchingly.

"Do you have any idea how grateful I was?" Remus said suddenly, his voice dropping nearly to whisper. "How pathetically, pitifully grateful I was that a monster like me could ever have friends? Friends who didn't turn from me in disgust when they learned what I was. Friends who set themselves the task of learning how accompany me in my transformation, so that I wouldn 't have to suffer alone. Such wonderful friends... can you even understand what it means to me, Sirius, you who have been beloved all your life? I would have died for you, all of you." He smiled then, the same crooked grin Sirius had known for years, but with a bitter, bitter edge. "I still would."

Sirius would have spoken, but Remus advanced on him with a predator's slow, stalking grace and held him silent with amber eyes that never wavered. A thrill of fear shivered along his spine. _Is this what Snape felt last night in the tunnel? Is this why James seems to have aged ten years in a night?_

"I trusted you, Sirius. I trusted you with my secrets, and my curse. I trusted you to- to protect me. Protect me from myself. From what I might do. Instead, you would have made me a murderer, and something worse than a murderer."

The low, rich voice was harsher now, and Sirius's nails dug bleeding crescents into his palms as Remus drew closer.

"I could forgive you, perhaps, if I could forgive myself. If I didn't want it. I did, Sirius. I still do. As the moon waxes, I dream of the hunt and the chase, and I glory in the blood I spill there. I hate it, but I need it. It's part of who I am. What I am."

Remus was very near now, and his eyes seemed almost to glow in the morning light. Under the full moon, they would have been the color of honey, and his fur would have gleamed forbidden silver. _But he never sees the full moon. Only in dreams. Oh, Re... it's not fair._

"The others- James and Lily and Peter- they see me as I am, I think. Everyone else sees only what I let them, Dumbledore's tame werewolf. But you- you saw me as I wanted to be. You made me become that person, if only fleetingly. Perhaps this is my fault, for not telling you, for waiting-" He stopped for a second, and then, as if the words were being drawn out of him against his will: "Sirius, _why_? How could you do this to me? Were you that angry? That... jealous?"

_Yes. I was that angry, that jealous. I wanted to hurt Snape because he wanted you, and I wanted to hurt you for preferring him to me. My fault, because I realized too late._ But the golden eyes still held him silent, and actions had always come more easily to Sirius than words.

So he kissed Remus.

At least he tried.

His lips had barely brushed Remus's before Sirius found himself flung back against the cold stone wall, slim, strong hands bruisingly tight on his shoulders, and eyes the color of the hunter's moon boring into his soul.

"Oh, Sirius," the werewolf whispered. "Sirius, you fool." And kissed him.

Remus's mouth was hot and electric, and there was nothing tame in him as he pinned the other boy to the wall with hands and lips. Caught somewhere between shock and instinct, Sirius closed his eyes as Remus explored his mouth with lips and tongue. There was something fierce and almost frightening in the werewolf's intensity, and he tasted of almonds and musk, with a faint bitter tang that made Sirius think of iron, or blood.

With a pang of emotion that was almost grief, Sirius opened his eyes as Remus released him. Even during the kiss, he had felt the werewolf's heated gaze on him, studying his face and weighing his heart; now, he found that he could not meet Remus's eyes, full of pain and betrayal.

_Oh, Re._

Remus left the room without a backward glance.

Sirius watched him walk away.

~fin~


End file.
